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THE NAPOLEON CODE: The Short Guy's Guide to Life
Corey's first book is currently being shopped to publishers by Brian DeFiore, literary agent to Bernie Brillstein (Brillstein-Grey) and former editor-in-chief of Hyperion Books. Only a talented journalist like Corey could tackle a subject so foreign to him as what it's like to be short. How should Corey know about that? He's 5-foot-8, the same height as Tom Cruise and Hitler. OK, fine, so Corey's 5-foot-8 only when he has his 3-inch elevator shoes on. Maybe you're honest about everything in life, too. The
following excerpts are only available here... ______________________________________________________________ OVERVIEW Tall men get laid more and paid more -- much more -- than their shorter peers. That's fact, not opinion, and not only in the Western world. Across every culture, tall men hold higher status. Because a man is short doesn't make him helpless, however. He just needs to reach harder for the top shelf in life. ARE YOU SHORT? The average height for the American male is 5-foot-9. Any guy under that height and not still growing is short. But there are other ways to tell... * Are your top
shelves empty? And 5-foot-9 is only the average. The IDEAL height for men is about 6-foot-2 and rising (as average height increases). Average-size guys all desire more height. HEIGHTIST LANGUAGE Check out the way even language functions to keep good little men down. Webster's first entry for "tall" is "brave or courageous." For "short," it's "having little length." Obviously, the Webster who wrote the dictionary was not Emmanuel Lewis. Black men call women "shorties," since short is considered a feminine trait. A big man on campus is always looked up to. (Even that phrase, "looked up to," is heightist. It means to respect.) And which end of the stick represents the worst side of an unequal deal? As a verb-modifier, "short" means to provide less than expected. Stick it in front of the following words and watch their meanings turn negative: change Even the synonyms for short come up short. Diminutive? Wow, that's a positive word. The tall guy gets towering. We get diminutive. Wait, let me press my handy thesaurus icon and get some more … little, petite, dumpy, tiny, squat, undersized, stunted. Feeling big yet? SIDEKICKED AROUND In the following famous duos, one guy is average-to-tall, one short. Guess who's the sidekick? Batman, Robin TALL EYE FOR THE SHORT GUY DO: Wear pants and shirt of the same or similar color so your legs and torso form a continuous line to the eye instead of two stubby segments. DON'T: Wear cuffed trousers, horizontal stripes or anything that exaggerates your width instead of your height. DO: Wear fitted jackets and coats, tightening the belt of your overcoat to narrow your waist. DON'T: Wear a green uniform and extol the virtues of Lucky Charms. DO: Wear narrow lapels and ties. DON'T: Wear a tall cowboy hat, carry two guns pointed sideways and yell, "Say yer prayers, yuh flea-pickin' varmint!" HOOKING UPWARD Short guys are never going to be a woman's type. No female has ever said, "My type is shorter guys." It's never happened. Not once. Women are beautiful, scintillating and often troubled creatures whose primary drives are feeling more desired and less insecure (and finding a frozen yogurt that really tastes like ice cream). A beautiful woman is going to seek out a taller man, especially if she is tall enough to attract lightning in a park to begin with. Fortunately, type is only a preference, and preferences are general. Attraction is specific to an individual. And this explains why we've all seen short guys with hotties. There's plenty you can do to heighten lady luck. You just have to accept the reality that a) you're not going to be her type, and b) she's probably going to have to be tricked into it. INTERVIEW WITH NAPOLEON Does your closet
contain only identical military uniforms? If so, then you've got a Napoleon Complex. You're NC-positive, my friend. But if you're just a short guy who stands up for himself, that doesn't count. Well, it shouldn't anyway. Yet most short guys who refuse to accept a diminished station in life register a false NC-positive with their friends and colleagues. To get to the root of this injustice, I decided to begin at the source -- Napoleon himself. Q: Welcome, Emperor.
Q: Actually, I'm
more curious as to why your name became synonymous with the paradox
that short men need to be more assertive to earn the respect of their
taller peers, yet are regarded as ruthlessly aggressive when they do. Q: I see. Well,
it appears I'm going to have to come right out with this… Is there
any truth to the theory, your Eminence, that you were more belligerent
than the average guy because you were short? Q: Huh? (Napoleon and your author stand back to back. He is five inches taller, about 5-foot-10.) Q: The hat, Napoleon,
please. (Even without his big Captain Blye hat, Napoleon is still 5-foot-6.) Q: But I don't
understand. Your autopsy said you were 5-foot-2. Q: Wow ... You
died back in 1821, yet you know all about movies and you knew enough
to say "little people." ______________________________________________________________ copyright © 2005 Corey Levitan |
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